She Pooped

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Girls don’t poop, right? I agree. The food we eat magically disintegrates in our bellies and creates no output. I’m going to show my age here and say, “Not!” Men say they prefer to think that women do not poop and they want to keep it that way. They don’t want to know that our business can be just as stinky as their business. Women are put on a pedestal, per say, and men want to see us as beautiful and perfect in every which way. I used to think these guys were a bunch of “turds,” but then I spoke to a psychologist and our findings showed that it really has nothing to do with a guy who encourages or discourages a woman pooping around him.

I’ve dated a handful of men. That’s an understatement; I’m 31 so I’ve actually dated more than a handful. It’s not easy trying to find your prince charming. Most of the men I’ve dated have been really cool; men that let me be me instead of men that try to mold me into someone they wanted me to be. Yes, although I am a strong and independent woman, I have dated men who have played mind games on me. There are two men I have dated that, well, pooping when I was anywhere near them was pretty much impossible. I know I am not the only girl who has struggled with pooping at a man’s place. All women reading this right now can relate to the painful constipation or teasing turtle heads.

I decided to sit down with a psychologist and review four of my relationships with her. Two of the relationships that endured no constipation and two relationships that pushed me to the point where spontaneously combusting was highly likely. I put it all on the table explaining their personalities, how they treated me, the qualities I was attracted to, their actions, their words, and even the comfort of the toilets in their homes. After we wrote all these qualities down the poopers (guys I could poop around) and the non-poopers (guys I could not poop around) were actually quite different. Big shocker there, right? Yes, pun intended.

After reviewing the non-poopers with the poopers here’s what I learned. I really liked these guys so I wanted to impress both the poopers and the non-poopers, but the characteristics of the two non-poopers were the men I felt the need to impress the most. The words they expressed to me were high in flattery and admiration, but their need for me to constantly prove myself was high. I found this surprising because I always felt free to talk about pooping and farting around these two men. Furthermore, both of these relationships pulled me away from being myself. These men required much attention and I wanted to make these men happy so I took away from what I loved to do in order to feel happiness by giving to them. A person’s body when out of its element or routine doesn’t function the same way. It’s much like what my family calls travel turds. When you are on vacation, away from your home, drinking a lot, drinking different water, and eating different foods, a lot your turds are just not the same as they are when you are home.

When we reviewed the poopers we found that these men were actually the men that preferred not to talk about a women pooping. They didn’t want to know that I was in the bathroom laying bricks. These two men, however, were also the same men that I felt the most confident around. They were independent, trusting, and encouraging. They were also confident and didn’t need constant reassurance that they were loved. Although they were a tad on the boring side and not super inspirational for me personally, my body knew that even though poop talk wasn’t their forte, I was confident they’d love me no matter what.

So should you look into the toilet bowl to determine if you are with the right person? Will that long snake of a turd tell you that you are in love with the right person while the little rabbit turds tell you that it’s not meant to be? I say if you have trouble dropping that deuce in the beginning of your relationship, that’s perfectly normal. It’s all part of the nerves and excitement of something new. But if several months pass, utilize that constipation time on the toilet to review your relationship. Think about the way he or she is treating you; if you can be your true self around them or if you are constantly feeling the need to impress them. Toilet time is the best reflection time so utilize it and figure out if you want to have a constipated love or a free flowing and constant renewing of love. 

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Jillian Conley

About Jillian Conley

Author of Maid of Honor, Dating Chase Walker, Time for Audrey Buchanan & the Coffee Table Quotes collection. Blogger giving life advice through stories. Co-founder of My Three Sisters Publishing. TV Host Social Chicago. Radio Host Love Code on Modern Problems Radio Show.

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