At some point or another everybody’s life goes to shit. It’s true. And if you are sitting there saying your life hasn’t, then lucky you. We all reach a point so low that it feels as bad as pooping your pants. It may even be a point where you literally shit your pants. It isn’t a bad thing because once you reach a point that low that means you can only go up from there.
For me, my lowest point was literally shitting my pants. I had lost my creativity, I didn’t have any drive or goals in life, my finances were out of whack, and then my boyfriend left me. I felt hurt, abandoned, and lost and then one day I was out and all my emotional pain must’ve worn out my body (or at least my bowels). I went to dinner and on my way home my stomach began to feel funky. I felt the funkiness moving from my tummy through the many feet of my bowels. Before I knew it I was squeezing my asshole tight and rolling through stop signs. I pulled up to my home and opened my car door, but I didn’t make it inside in time. As I got out of my car and sprinted into my place, poop sprinted out of my asshole.
I went straight to the bathroom to clean myself up. I turned on the shower and while I was waiting for the water to warm up I stood in front of the mirror and took a long look at myself. I looked at my messy hair, the bags under my eyes, and the sweats I was wearing. I then thought about how I had literally let everything good in my life turn to shit. It was no wonder my boyfriend walked away from me. I had stopped caring about all the things that made me feel alive in life. I didn’t care how I looked, I didn’t care about my career or my passions, I just didn’t care in general.
After cleaning myself up I went into my bedroom and took out my journal that had a layer of dust on it. I began writing words down. The words didn’t flow together and make sense; they were just pages of random words. After several pages of random words I wrote the word FEAR down. I stared at it for a few moments and then traced it over dozens of times. The capitalized word was now bolded too. I took it a step further and circled the word many times and as I circled around it over and over I realized that the little four letter word FEAR was the root of evil in my life. Fear is what was pushing me away from the good things in my life.
I feared sharing my creativity because I had dealt with so much criticism for discussing sex, such a taboo subject. I feared having drive in my life because I had dealt with failing over and over. I feared fixing my finances because I had fallen so deep. I feared the next step in my relationship so I pulled away from the only person that encouraged me to follow all my crazy dreams. I was in fear of life and that fear swallowed me whole.
As I continued to stare at that bolded and circled word fear I decided that I could no longer allow fear to run my life. I had to make several changes in my life and I did just that. I ended up writing the most sexual story I have ever written, I set goals that some would say are ridiculous, and I faced my finances head on. I made the decision to face all my fears head on, never look back and I have never felt more free in my life. You only get one life so you might as well live it exactly the way you want. It’s okay to fall and if you shit your pants, clean your ass up and keep on moving. Shit stinks and sometimes the smell lingers, but it can always be cleaned up and the smell won’t last forever.