New Particle Discovery And Picking Up Chicks

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Bros, this giant machine:


Found this:


What is it?

It’s the decay chain of a new particle. Obviously. A baryon to be specific.

You guys are such plebeians, man.

The geniuses (geni? ‘geni’ is also plural for genius right?) over at CERN, using the Large Hadron Collider, were getting their particle physics on and happened on the above decay pattern and realized they were on to something (something).

What’s CERN? Dudes, come on. CERN is an international organization whose main thing is to operate a giant particle physics lab. Most of their energies revolve around the Large Hadron Collider, which is a 27 kilometer tube under Switzerland/France that is used to bang particles together, you know what I mean?

Now that we’re caught up, back to the new findings. The particle.

They called their fly new baryon, ‘Xi_b^*0’ or ‘neutral Xi_b^star baryon’. From what I can tell, they’re not big on branding at CERN.

This baryon, colloquially called a ‘bro-yon’ because physicists live the thuggest of thug lives, is huge in terms of, ‘…helping to understand how quarks bind and therefore further validate the theory of strong interactions, one of the four basic forces of physics, this measurement represents a tour-de-force that opens up good perspectives for future discoveries’ according to Carlos Lourenco, a senior researcher at CERN.


The future discovery all those cats are hoping for is the Higgs Boson, the pièce de résistance. A theoretical particle that supposedly gives all matter its mass. The proverbial junk in the trunk, matter don’t matter if it ain’t got mass.

Just don’t call it the ‘God Particle’, scientists is gon’ be hatin’ on you if you do.

Anyways, this particle is new, hot and validates the theory of strong interactions (know what I’m sayin’?  Strong interactions. You pickin up what I’m puttin down? smellin what I’m steppin in?). So when you’re out on the town, looking to strike up conversation and get your swerve on with that lovely lass at the bar, hit her with that knowledge. Chicks dig science. You’re in like Flynn. Trust me.

Straight up.


Actually, wait a minute.

Come to think of it, this is America. Chicks don’t dig science. No one does.

Talk to her about this instead:


And buy yourselves some well tequila. Golden.

More at CERNThe Atlantic, Science Daily and Talking Points Memo

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