All The Really Super Important, And In No Way Irrelevant, Stuff Of 2012 (Minus The Not Happening Apocalypse)

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Given that we’ve just kicked off a new year, I figure the best thing to do is just get all the really super important info out there.

Without further ado, I present you more than 2 but less than 40,010 completely relevant things going on this year:

1) The Kars–Tbilisi–Baku railway looks like it will be completed. So if you ever found yourself needing to go from Azerbijian to Turkey by way of Georgia (not the American one. Idiot), you should be all set by the end of this year.


2) The #2 city in Lonely Planets top 10 cities of 2012 is: Muscat, Oman.

According to LP:

‘This year it’s all about Qurum’s trendy designer outlets, Old Town souks and wacky water sports enlivening its coastline alongside traditional dhows…’

So if wacky water sports and souks are your thing, then Muscat is where you want to be.

You’ll also have a lovely view of Iran from across the Gulf of Oman and be the first to know when war ships pass through the Strait of Hormuz en route to the Persian Gulf…to start a war.

Everyone likes war.

Be advised, Muscat the city has nothing to do with Muscat the booze.

3) The very relevant collegiate powerhouse Lake Superior State University banished the word ‘amazing’ from use this year. They’re about as geographically close to being a Canadian university as possible, so, yea, there’s that.

4) Utah bans happy hour as of January 1st. More specifically, they’ve banned daily drink specials, so ipso facto, they’ve banned happy hour.

5) Speaking of January 1st, 40,000 other new laws also went into effect. Some of them probably effect you, but  like I always say, ‘freedom is so overrated’ (another thing I say, but with significantly less frequency, ‘I bless the rains down in Africa’).

6) On June 6th you can catch the transit of Venus across the sun. You’ll want to make sure you’re not in eastern South America (sorry Brazil), western Africa (shouldn’t be hard to avoid…because it’s Africa), western Spain or Portugal (sorry Ronaldo) though.

In order to view, stare directly at the sun and look for a tiny speck to cross it. In order to view and NOT go blind in the process, see here.

Or tempt fate and plant your eyes upwards, who am I to offer you advice?

I’d make a point of catching this one though since the next time it’ll be visible is December 11, 2117.

Which is after you and I will be dead.

Well maybe not me. But definitely you.

7) Antonio Vazquez, Mexico’s self appointed grand warlock (not sure how that isn’t an official government position) has predicted that Obama won’t be re-elected.

So that solves that.

I’ll add that he wrongly predicted that Britney Spears would die in 2008, but sometimes predicting the future with tarot cards and the exponentially legit astrology, is an inexact science I guess.

On the equal-yet-opposite side of crazy, Pat Robertson said God told him who would win the election. But in true I-understand-TV-ratings-fashion he said he would stay mum on the subject.

If I was God, here’s what I’d whisper softly into his ear while Village People played in background, ‘the winner is going to be the gay guy who had an abortion’.

Then I’d watch his head explode from the irony. Then I’d have a burrito.

If anything else happens this year, we’ll keep you posted. I’m pretty sure that’s it though.

Oh, and something about the Olympics in London.

Now that’s it.


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