When you live in the south, about twice a month you get house calls from your local Jehovah’s Witness. The door bell rings and your dog is barking up a storm and for about fifteen minutes, you have two people telling you how you should be living your life, through their very strict interpretation of the Bible. It’s so nice of them to interrupt your busy day with their Biblical mandates on your life and for the first few months, I tried to politely listen, and let them preach a little, before I would be able to close my door and have them move on to harass my neighbors.
Well recently, I figured out a way to cut their visits really short. Upon opening the door, and hearing their introduction, I say back to them, ‘” Wait a minute, do you guys have kids?” and most do. I then say “and you don’t celebrate their birthdays? What kind of parents are you? Boy your kids must love you.”
My next snarky line to them is, “You don’t celebrate holidays?” knowing they don’t and I say to them, “You live here in America and you don’t celebrate the 4th of July? People died for your rights to vote and have freedom of speech and freedom of religion, and you don’t acknowledge them?”
Then, this is when they start backing up and heading for the street when I tell them, “You don’t celebrate Memorial Day or Veterans Day and you live here in the good old U S A? How can you live here and ignore the sacrifice that our brave men and women of the armed forces have made in the wars, that this country has fought, for your freedom!”
At this point, they feel so bad about themselves, that not only do they scurry away, but they don’t come back. It’s called good old fashion holiday guilt. Try it, it works every time-And I bet if Jesus was alive today he’d be cooking up a storm on his backyard barbecue and heading out for some awesome Grucci family fireworks. Oh and as they are now running down the block, that’s when I start in about MLK and the civil rights movement. they’re sprinting by that point. God bless.