How to Get Jehovah’s Witnesses to Stop Coming to Your Door

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When you live in the south, about twice a month you get house calls from your local Jehovah’s Witness. The door bell rings and your dog is barking up a storm and for about fifteen minutes, you have two people telling you how you should be living your life, through their very strict interpretation of the Bible. It’s so nice of them to interrupt your busy day with their Biblical mandates on your life and for the first few months, I tried to politely listen, and let them preach a little, before I would be able to close my door and have them move on to harass my neighbors.

Well recently, I figured out a way to cut their visits really short. Upon opening the door, and hearing their introduction, I say back to them, ‘” Wait a minute, do you guys have kids?” and most do. I then say “and you don’t celebrate their birthdays?  What kind of parents are you? Boy your kids must love you.”

My next snarky line to them is, “You don’t celebrate holidays?” knowing they don’t and I say to them, “You live here in America and you don’t celebrate the 4th of July?  People died for your rights to vote and have freedom of speech and freedom of religion, and you don’t acknowledge them?”

Then, this is when they start backing up and heading for the street  when I tell them, “You don’t celebrate Memorial Day or Veterans Day and you live here in the good old U S A? How can you live here and ignore the sacrifice that our brave men and women of the armed forces have made in the wars, that this country has fought, for your freedom!”

At this point, they feel so bad about themselves, that not only do they scurry away, but they don’t come back. It’s called good old fashion holiday guilt. Try it, it works every time-And I bet if Jesus was alive today he’d be cooking up a storm on his backyard barbecue and heading out for some awesome Grucci family fireworks. Oh and as they are now running down the block, that’s when I start in about MLK and the civil rights movement. they’re sprinting by that point. God bless.

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Scott St. John

About Scott St. John

I have worked in the media for over 30 years as a Producer,director, cameraman,photographer and in publicity. I have worked for the four major television networks and for over 20 different cable networks. From American Idol to the Today Show to HBO Documentaries to the Academy Awards, I have been fortunate to work at the highest professional level in television. As a photographer, my work has been published or seen online in magazines such as Maxim, Stuff, Us weekly, InTouch,Gotham, Shock, OK magazine and more. My work has taken me to the four corners of the world from Africa to South America to Europe to Japan. It's been a great run and I am happy to be on board with the News Burner team.

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3 Responses to How to Get Jehovah’s Witnesses to Stop Coming to Your Door

  1. Carolyn Neal October 19, 2011 at 2:39 pm #

    “At this point, they feel so bad about themselves, that not only do they scurry away, but they don’t come back. It’s called good old fashion holiday guilt. ”

    I assure you, this is not what they are feeling. “Feeling bad” because you didn’t want to discuss spiritual issues within the context of current events is water off their backs. Members of the Society have been doing this for more than a century and are sophisticated communicators. They go on with their business at hand.

    There is a much stupidity in the world, particularly reflected online in the “orgies of self” that are called personal blogs. People tend to the sensational, exploiting whatever they feel will garner them attention, rather than taking practical steps to solve personal issues. Just as Catholics and Anglicans have “parishes” for which they are responsible, Witnesses cover local territories. If one does not want Witnesses calling at his or her home, the individual only has to politely request the Witness to remove the address from their visitation list. If other Witnesses inadvertently call in future, just advise them that you previously requested that your address be permanently removed from their list.

    Simple. Dignified. And serves all parties. Witnesses would much prefer concentrating their valuable volunteer time and energy interacting with people of sincere interest or need.

    • Scott St. John
      Scott St. John October 19, 2011 at 3:03 pm #

      Hi Carolyn, great comments, I respect your point of view, but I was really kidding, It was satire. By the way, do you have kids? Do you celebrate their birthdays?

  2. Neo July 27, 2014 at 11:15 pm #

    An excellent way I’ve discovered is to tell them how important you believe blood donations are. I’ve given several gallons over the last few years, and I praise up how important that is for Christians to give blood to save lives. I then ask them if they have kids, and if they do, I ask what they’d do if their child was in a hospital and needed a blood transfusion to survive. The conversation goes cold REALLY fast, and then I remind them that giving your blood to help others is a way of showing the love of Christ to others. They split fast after that.