This Just In…Keith Olbermann Is Still a Putz

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My name is Mike Hammer and I work in the media.

The previous sentence offends me because I am Mike Hammer and I work in the media…which means I should never mention Mike Hammer or pretend that if I did, it should be mentioned in the media. Why? Because if you really DO work in the media…you should never be the subject of the story…unless you’ve done something monumentally stupid or you have an ego the size of the media. (Which is pretty big…because apparently a lot of people work IN it.)

Which brings me (who really shouldn’t be here, at all because I work in the media) to Keith Olbermann who works in the media. How do I know? Because he tells me all the time. And by me…I mean anybody who can read or has the misfortune of a TV with his massive stupid head on it.

Olbermann shouldn’t work in the media because he is ALWAYS the center of any story he reports on. He got thrown out the window in Bristol, CT. (sadly, only metaphorically) when he worked at ESPN because he thought he was more interesting than sports and told everyone so. That included anybody who worked there…and anyone who was watching at home…which is a lot of people, who like sports. Keith found out that they liked sports more than him.

That made Keith really mad and he got all pissy about it and declared  himself bigger than sports (after he got fired at ESPN). Now he only wanted to report on news. So he got a job at MSNBC. And while he was assigned to report on the news, he actually covered Keith Olbermann. That was fun for MSNBC for a while…but he started ignoring the news. Then it got worse.  He reported on the news…but it was HIS version of the news.

Keith hijacked the Democratic and Republican Conventions in 2008. But he covered them kinda differently. Keith hates Republicans because he thinks he’s smarter than them. He like Democrats because he thinks that they think he’s smart. He told everybody that…on TV and off. Then he gave Democrats money. But he works in the media…and he’s not supposed to do that…because that made him the story. That’s a bad story.

So Keith got fired again. Then he got another job…on Current TV. But nobody watches Current TV…and that makes Keith mad. So Keith is trying to be the news again…because he likes that! Now he’s mad because the New York Observer didn’t cover the Wall Street protests…which they actually did.  He said so on Twitter. He also called the paper a piece of crap.

But that doesn’t matter because that’s not the real story…Keith is. You see, he’s always the story. Just ask him. He knows…because he’s in the media.

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About Mike Hammer

Mike Hammer was the Executive Editor of Maxim Magazine and Editor and Chief of Stuff Magazine. He has worked in publishing as a writer and an editor for the past 30 years.

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2 Responses to This Just In…Keith Olbermann Is Still a Putz

  1. Scott St. John
    Scott St. John September 26, 2011 at 11:28 pm #

    Awesome

  2. Allyson B. Martin September 27, 2011 at 10:08 am #

    A) It’s amazing to be writing on your page, and honored just to be a part of the same inter-sphere-web…as you!

    B) It seems that Kieth is amazing…just ask him, he’ll tell you!

    C) On a side note, I used to work for Current TV too. Yikes.

    🙂